Since I’ve started writing more again to here, sometimes I even feel like I should write several posts a day I thought that I’ll ask your opinion. Should I spam my blog whenever I feel like writing or write it and save it as a draft and the publish it at the end of the week.
Today I’ll try to write everything down as I go and carry my phone with me so I could make it longer because today might be one of those more emotional days.
I’ll start of with morning. I had this weird dream, I’ve seen it once before but now it was like a continuation to the other one. I finally got to know what happened with the characters. The characters look so familiar but I have no idea where I know them. The first time I saw it I was confused but now it seemed to make more sense. In the dream there’s this company and I’m in one of the offices with 2 people, a guy and a girl. They both want to doom the company (I don’t know why and I don’t know what the company is doing). The girl is doing it secretly but the guy is doing it openly. In my dream they get busted, or actually the guy does. The owner of the company wants to kill the guy in front of all the people. They discover that she is helping him after the owner has taken out the gun to kill the guy and she runs to protect him. In the end they both got killed and then I woke up.
After that I didn’t do much, just had breakfast and tumblred and talked to my parents. I’ve been feeling better and don’t have so many meh thoughts anymore but there are still some times I feel bad. Then we went swimming. I really hate going swimming now, I used to love it before everything was okay. Right now I just want to avoid it as much as possible because I’m embarrassed of myself. I am trying to cope with it and I was thinking to post a selfie to this post but I think I’m not going to do that. But back to swimming, I did swim for a bit but it was after 30 mins of standing on the shore with my dress on (wow, I wore a dress. This should be an achievement of its own). I felt really awkward even though I was there only with my family. I swam a bit and of course more people come when you’re feeling the worst. I came out to dry and then more people came, later dad told me that they were my mum’s old classmate and his family and some of our relatives came there too but I don’t talk to them, I just know they are my relatives. Then the real anxiety broke in, luckily I was already ready to go and change my clothes. I basically ran to the car and changed them as quickly as I could. I thought it would calm me down because I had got my armor back on but I didn’t calm before we got home. Writing about it is not good either, still gives me anxiety, but I made a promise and I’ll stick to it. Somehow you have to get rid of your demons even if it means torturing yourself.
I’m also planning to write new chapter of Killed By a Turtle today (I know it has been a while and sorry for that).
Also in the news is that we’ll leave for Poland at 4 am. I’m trying to stay up the whole time and I’ll try to sleep in the car. Probably will be a zombie the whole time in Poland but I’ll have some energy drinks and be fine, besides yolo is a very good reason not to sleep.
We might go swimming later also so we’ll see how it goes. I’m not sure when I’ll post it so the next paragraph might be from that swimming adventure but who knows.
We didn’t go to swimming again… or actually I didn’t. Dad and Eerik and one of my cousins did but I stayed home. Had to get ready for Poland because dad said that we’ll leave at 1 or 2am the latest.
Had an argument with mum, it mehhed me out again. Is not about the things she said, that way the argument doesn’t matter at all, it’s mostly about my reaction and what I thought and how it affected me, luckily I got over it pretty quick but I have my own theories about it, I want to test them before I write about it.
Then we had dinner and started feeling sick after it. I think it’s also connected to the way I am right now.
Maybe I should go and sleep before Poland but I think sleeping for 4 hours is not the best idea. I think I’ll spend that time just playing or watching movies or something like that. Most of the time will be probably spent on talking with friends and having fun like that. I can spend the time on sleeping while we drive.
I hope I’ll get a lot of inspiration for another blog post and pics for you guys.