Originally I was supposed to write about a book I read for literature but I thought that it would so much more interesting to write down my latest thoughts and emotions and rant just for the fun of it.
So what have I been doing you probably ask now? Well I have been doing school stuff, and a lot of it. Our term is ending so we have so many tests and such. Mostly have been studying for those but I guess this isn’t the thing that interests you.
I don’t really remember what exactly I have told you but last Friday I had another band lesson and it was good. I started to feel more a part of something cool and of something bigger, something that could change my life. I don’t even know why… It could also ruin my life but I think that people as awesome as that won’t do that. In my opinion the fact that we all are so different is the fact that makes us a great team. Currently we have 2 songs and I have to sing one of them. I really do hope I don’t mess it up…
From band to everything else…
Now this week has been pure heaven in hell. There have been so many lovely moments yet there have been so horrible moments you’re gonna cry. I think I’m gonna start with the horrible ones and end with the nice ones.
The most horrible thing that could happen with me happened today, even though tomorrow will probably be worse… I had a doctor’s appointment today. I usually don’t mind them but today was horrible… I just hate that one particular doctor. She seems so fake and pointless… The fact that I already felt like jumping off a cliff didn’t help much… She’s just so fake and does nothing but make me anxious… I’m pretty sure there have been people who like her but I’m not one of them. She seems like one of those people who live out their bad mood on their patients which is not good at all…
The other things which have been really bad have been mostly school related but there have been good things which I will talk about in a bit. Essentially the only bad things happening to me in school have been just some teachers and incidents making me really anxious and meh. I’m having trouble with managing my negative emotions lately so their behaviour isn’t helping much.
Now for the good stuff aka the heavenly part of hell 🙂
Got to start the not as perfect thing but also a pretty good thing. I’VE GOT ANOTHER FRIEND IN SCHOOL. How asdfghjkl is that? I mean I have been always been the most awkward sod in the classroom and now I have another friend… from another class… and who isn’t like the 1st grade or sth… He is actually really cool, he has a crush on one of my classmates and he hangs around with me and my best friend. Is actually really funny and there’s some change into the everyday routine so that feels good.
Now for the best part ever, the only thing that has been keeping me going. Calls with Josh… Just the perfect thing ever, the perfect way to start and end your day. It makes me feel like he’s so much closer, like he lived in England not the USA anymore (yes, I am aware that England is still far away but still way closer than USA). It doesn’t really matter how either of feels because it makes sense that one person can’t feel all that great all the time and this is what makes it so much more realistic. To be honest I don’t know how I would’ve felt by now if it wasn’t for our calls. Today was actually funny… We talked while I was at school and my classmates finally realised that he is more than just an imaginary friend and their reaction to our call was just priceless 😀
I think it is all for now… I apologise if it has any kinds of mistakes but this post won’t get any proof reading or anything because this post is purely written on emotions and I want you to see it.