Last night was a very emotional night for me in a way. I have realised that writing doesn’t help as much as it used to but since I have no one to talk to right now I’m still going to come back to my old friend writing.

My day was pretty good in general. I mean I did a few different things and I read and I got the plane tickets to visit Jess so it was nice. I was so excited and there’s a lot of preparation to do for it today but I can’t really get myself to do it, especially after last night.

I couldn’t fall asleep and when I did then I woke up about 30 minutes later in nightmares, so I turned to my new friend which is an app called Whisper. Usually it helps me to calm really easily because I can let out my thoughts anonymously. Then randomly an English guy who’s visiting Estonia texted me. It threw me off quite a lot even though it was nice to talk to someone else from England.

At the same time I was talking to Pony and Mike and they kept fooling around me and I know they tried to cheer me but for a weird reason all of that cheering made me even more eh so I just left… I know it was a bit rude but honestly I was pretty much asleep by then and I didn’t want to be woken up by another anxiety attack.

The weird feelings from those really early conversations have passed on to today and mixed up with some other things I experience daily and I just… It has brought me so down. I don’t blame my friends in anything because they have stuck to my side despite me doing idiotic things and I’m so thankful for them.

Some of you probably wonder what’s going on with Josh and I then? Where is he when I need him? My reply is that I know what’s up with him but this is the question he needs to answer himself.

Also here’s a song that I keep on listening on repeat lately. This band in general is pretty awesome though but I don’t want to keep the post flooded with music.