So one of my tasks was to watch a movie called Killing Us Softly 4 (Please watch it before reading my opinions on it. http://documentaryaddict.com/killing+us+softly+4+advertisings+image+of+women-12933-doc.html). I’m pretty sure I had heard of it before but I definitely watched it the first time. It opened my eyes, everything (as of the blog posts about self-image and self-esteem) I’ve been writing about in my blog for the past 3 years I can explain with this documentary.

As I was watching it I took some notes and the first thing I jotted down was a victim of ads. I have to admit that I am like most of us, a victim of ads. It is kind of weird because recently I’ve been trying to cut out as much ads as I can but still I can say that I’m a victim.

All of those who have read my blog have noticed that in most blog posts I’ve said or at least mentioned that I feel like I have to be a certain way. Recently this viewpoint of mine has changed but only because I’ve accepted myself and learned to love myself.

I’ve always looked at pretty magazines and wished I was like the girls on the pictures and it was only because I was the chubby girl and wanted to be like everyone else. This actually lead to eating more and therefore gaining more because I couldn’t look like the girls on the pictures.

Within a few weeks I’ve managed to change my thinking from I want to be like them to why should I be like them. Of course I don’t want to stop fighting with my obesity (sadly it has grown to that), instead I want to make my own rules. I’ve realised that if I’m happy with the way I look then I will look like the way I want to be and I don’t want to be like the girls on the magazines, I just want to be healthy.

This was just the most personal connection I could make to the movie but everything she mentioned in the documentary I could relate to at some level.

One of the quotes she mentioned actually sounded so familiar to what my mum has said to me. It was by Kate Moss and it said “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels”. My mum has said it to me a few times, not that exact quote but something really similar. I get that she doesn’t mean it as harsh as it sounds right now because she has her own reasoning behind all of that but this is how it feels to me. It hurts and it has been my discouragements for the longest period of time.

Another extremely relatable thing that she mentioned was the part where she explained that men should be manly and that everything slightly feminine is wrong. I see it in my relatives and it’s so sad. I feel personally hurt even though no-one says anything about me at all. My relative is forced to be manly, he’s forced to like military, he’s forced to be a certain way. It really really bothers me because they always compare him to me. It’s kinda ridiculous, one of the most common phrases I hear is “Even Ann is more manly than you are”. It’s just wrong, if he likes to be girly then yay him. Now it he seems to deny everything that you could consider girly in front of others but secretly you could see how he likes the more “feminine” things like dancing and singing.

All in all I think this movie was really eye-opening for me and hopefully my connections and realisations help to open even more eyes.