I’m back with another Better Days blog post but before I start with that I want to rant a bit and tell you how other people who play a significant role in your life can make a better day into a not so good day.

So the other day I had a doctor’s appointment. I haven’t been talking about it too much but I’ve taken my health back to my own hands and have been working on it to lose weight and feel better. Just some baby steps to improve my mental and physical health at the same time.

So I had a doctor’s appointment, I had been to her before and I hated her back then but since she was the only doctor currently who wasn’t on vacation then she was the one I got. I knew that this will be a bad doctor’s appointment but I was still hopeful that since I’ve grown she will be more reasonable and such, but I was WRONG. I have never been that wrong in my life. She was an even bigger twat than before.

I took my Health Journal with me and since I have to start with baby steps in order for anything to work in my life I started with it like that. I was super motivated and happy to show it to her and hopefully make her be more proud or have some sort of hope or something like that towards me… but lol nope. The moment she started talking I felt my motivation drop and then blow up like a nuclear bomb. It destroyed my motivation and my hope and everything I had for the doctor and weight loss in general.

The last two days I’ve been trying to get it back but I am really discouraged because it just tore my mental state into pieces. I was ready to talk to my mom about the whole weight loss thing again but that was pretty much all it gave me.

Now let’s forget all of that negativity from that doctor and start with the actual blog post.

Today’s topic is being self- aware and since the text part of the workbook is in questions then I’ll try to write off my own thoughts on the topic based on the  rhetorical questions provided to me.

In my opinion being self aware is something that is different for everyone. I feel that for me it is when I’m present in my mind the whole time. Every desicion I make is made with my mind not with my emotions or someone else. I have thought it through and I’m ready to take the responsibility for them. It also means I awknowledge the way I act or communicate with others.

Sometimes I have to admit I’m not aware how I speak to others. This is what happens when I let my emotions control myself and when I don’t think what I’m doing, unfortunately it is something that happens to me quite often. Sometimes I don’t even know how others perceive or how they might perceive me, mostly because I don’t want to think about it.

This is the reason why I have started to take care of my physical health too. I want to be honest with myself and I want to admit certain things to myself. Right now I’m trying to improve my attitude towards others, myself and people I meet.

I need this,  I need to do it because it is important for me to improve my life, improve the person I am and improve my health in general. I’m tired of getting the episodes of darkness in my life. The episodes where I feel like I just want jump off a cliff or something like that.

I feel like if I’m self aware about the things that are causing my problems then I will eventually get to my dreams. I know that this might take me a while but I am determined to get to my dreams fast and live a happy and spectacular life. This means I need to work on myself.

So these were the thoughs I got while reading the rhetorical questions. Now to the worksheet part of the post.

  1. In what two ways are you self-aware?
    1. I know that I’m not the best looking which is one of the main topics that has been flowing through the whole post.
    2. I know that if I continue with this kind of state mentally and health wise the most I’ll become is a hobo.
  2. What are the two things that you know about yourself that you would like to change or improve?
    1. I would like to change the way I look, which is something I’ve started doing daily. I take a lot more care about myself every day and I’m really proud of myself even though I have had a lot of motivation issues lately.
    2. I would love to master the time management issues I have. I know that this is the main thing that always messes me up. Whenever I feel like I start losing the pace with others my mental health fucks up too.
  3. How can being more self-aware make your life better?
    • I feel like I can deal with problems and stressful situations a lot better. I know what I’m ready to do and I know what my next step is. It’s like a huge game of chess that I’m going to win and if I lose my pace I will mentally fuck up and the game is lost.